TOTAL FREEDOM FROM ALL ADDICTION

by NAIF

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about

THIS IS AN ALBUM ABOUT MY STRUGGLE WITH DRUG ADDICTION AND BINGING, AND THE PROCESS OF GETTING HELP, GETTING SOBER AND STARTING MY GENDER TRANSITION. ITS ABOUT THE SEVERE LONELINESS THAT COMES WITH IGNORING YOUR REAL SELF, THE GUILT THAT COMES WITH SELF MEDICATION, THE SHAME THAT COMES WITH REGRET. MOST IMPORTANTLY THIS ALBUM IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM THAT COMES WITH PATIENCE, TIME AND PERSEVERANCE.

ALSO I TOTALLY LOVED 'GIVE UP' BY THE POSTAL SERVICE, 'DIGITAL ASH IN A DIGITAL URN' BY BRIGHT EYES, AND 'HEADPHONES' BY HEADPHONES. AS WUSSY LOST TEEN THOSE ALBUMS WERE FORMATIVE. THOSE ALBUMS REALLY HELPED ME. THIS IS MY TRIBUTE TO THOSE ALBUMS.

credits

released July 29, 2017

Written, recorded by Naif Jamie Martin over the winter of 2017

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NAIF Sydney, Australia

trans femme sad song generator / bot.

www.facebook.com/naifthehuman/

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Track Name: willing (another night)
the smell of myself
is making me choke
this is the fourth day straight
that ive woke up soaked
its rediculas
my body cant keep up
but between me and my appetite
i know i cannot
will not stop,
oh paranoia
where have you been?
its been so so long
since youve been comforting me,
like the visions in my head
they are still
helping me see,
like the rocks in my hand
theyre still setting me free...

cuz when im up, im out and gone
it feels like im almost alive,
when im im dowm, im so far down
from bluring the wrong and the right
but i know every morning
theres always gunna be
another night...

what terrifies me
is the pace that we walk
and that we do not believe
that this excess cannot
will not take a toll,
is everyone leaving me
or am i being demanding again?
i just dont wanna be left alone
when folds right up,

cuz when im up, im out and gone
it feels like im almost alive,
when im im dowm, im so far down
from bluring the wrong and the right
but i know every morning
theres always gunna be
another high...

i am willing (i want to, i need to) to change
but it may take a long long time.
Track Name: bully
narcissist charity case
who are you bullying today?
you can highlight ever problem
with zero intent to solve them

you have a type
you like to upset
prey on the weak
you gotta feed that ego

you dont want the world to change
you just want your name up in lights
a fine line between being helpful
and starting pointless fire

all the logic
you choose to ignore
no matter the size of the fight
you'll never let it go

if you have turned
your last name into a verb
maybe youve been thinking
to much about yourself

if you have turned
your last name into a verb
maybe youve been thinking
to much about yourself.
Track Name: ice cream
i am a child sent to bed with out ice cream
im always ready to make a scene
i need certain things in particular order
cuz ive got one of those thinking disorders

we sit and dream about
what we'll do with our days off
but when they come round
we just cry sick and cough

i am the sitcom rerun on your tv
im only on your mind when you look at the screen
you could remark that this failing to appear deep
or just turn it off and go back to sleep

we fantisize about
the things we dont even want
hide in the smoke of us
pretend were not lost
Track Name: total freedom from all addiction
i didnt realise how lonely i was
or how much i craved affection
like a dog dragging its tail
i thought that i liked the attention
i dont
plz stop looking at me
close your eyes and hold me
thats the only time i am beautiful
when my mouth is shut and you cant see me

just give me total freedom from all addiction
is that too much to ask
is that an impossible task
i simply just cannot remember
the last time i had eight full hours of sleep
was it when i was with you
was it when you wanted to be with me?
Track Name: plz talk 2 me
things stay down
get buried in blue
cover passion closed shut
before youre through
cover in multi layers
nothing is true
none of it really matters
when im frequenting you,

all anyone
ever wants is just
someone to talk to

still coming down
a unit breaking in two
what was soft is now
a greyish hue
time can distort action
so nothing is true
but none of that really matters
when im frequenting you...

all anyone
ever wants is just
someone to talk to
Track Name: now i throw in the towel
theres a lump in my throat plagues me constantly
cough and clear daily
im still working ouyt where im supposed to fit
outside of this binary
yeah im not working on
who im ment to be
but im getting better at disappearing
i feel paralysed at the thought of slipping through
and that youll leave me in disgust

ive been passing
for way to long
now i throw in the towel
i dont know how to change
but i dont know if i can stay this way..
ive been passing for way to long

wether its through the door or in through the roof
i enter and exit with caution
ill be moving on with my life
attempting to grow up and out of this hot mess
you keep singing your misery melody
are convinced that its doing anything?
ill be moving on with my life
attempting to grow up and out of this hot mess....
Track Name: taking care
you live your life with the opposite of division
then wonder why its getting cold?
sitting on your hands
waiting for change
concrete ideas start to gather mould

awful things happen pretty regularly
but what are we going to do about it?

you said lets weaponise the farmers
but its not that simple
you want to make a change for the masses
can you do it without the violence...?

awful things happen pretty regularly
but what are we going to do about it?

what are we going to do about it?

what am i going to do about this?
Track Name: single electric blanket
LIFE IS POINTLESS,
GIVE UP.
ONLY THEN WILL YOU
TRULY BE FREE.